after the storm | for aleifr

[shieldofrohan]

She has avoided him for several days now. Not only him, in fact: without entirely intending to, she has been avoiding almost everyone. She cannot look them in the eyes, her people who trust her and who hold her in such high regard, knowing that she has betrayed her duty. She has wept herself dry, and wrestled with her own weakness and guilt, and found herself doubting everything she is and all that she should be, wondering what she can do, how she can make amends - and then, all at once, things resolved themselves into sharp, pragmatic clarity.

There are no amends. There is no undoing it. What has been lost cannot be restored, however much she might regret it.

And soon after that realisation, another: she does not regret it.

Oh, she feels guilt, to have let her own desires overtake honour. She feels a degree of trepidation, knowing that eventually the truth must come out, and she will not be the only one shamed by it. There is a knot of complicated, uncertain sorrows at the heart of it - and yet, she does not regret it. As soon as she lets go of that immediate horror, she realises that other burdens are lessened, too. Her loneliness, her grief, that hollow ache in her which has never faded since Gríma first began to drip his poison in the King's ear... they are not gone, none of it is gone, but they are less. She feels more herself, for all that she is a maiden no more, than she has felt in years. She feels, for the first time since the battle, alive.

Once this has all sunk in, it is clear enough what comes next. It presents itself as an inevitability, with a certainty she has felt only once before, when she donned helm and armour. She does not bother to question it further, knowing that she has already made up her mind.

So it is that, a couple of days after her mysterious illness passed and she returned to her full duties, Éowyn comes to seek out her guest more directly. She finds him outside, in the early afternoon; she will not let herself hesitate in striding up to him, clearing her throat.

"I would speak with you, if you have a moment."

Comments

[aleifr]

Éowyn has little trouble finding him - by virtue of both his stature and his taciturn nature.

Left to his own devices, Aleifr is largely a solitary creature, content with keeping his own company as often as not. On this morning, as with many since he came to Edoras, he begun the day with a walk - a loose circuit about the perimeter of Meduseld to take in the brisk morning air and survey the vista of broad plains that surrounded the Rohirrim city. He was near the end of this winding path - having settled on one of the carved stone benches near the Golden Hall's outer walls to enjoy the tranquil quiet - when Éowyn approached.

He looked back over his shoulder at the sound of closing footsteps, and seeing Éowyn ...

It the shadow of a smile to his face - one that betrayed nothing but pleasant surprise at her presence as he rose to his feet.

"Of course, Lady Éowyn."